A is for Answers. Those you are asked for multiple times per minute, and those you get back instead of the “yes, of course Mummy” you were hoping for.
B is for Bedtime. The hour of the day which is apparently light years earlier in your house than in every other home in the land.
C is for Cuddles. Especially the stolen ones, and those ones when you realise with a pang quite how much they’ve grown.
D is for Drama. Also Storm/Teacup; Mountain/Molehill. (Generally an object lesson in the difference in perspective, courtesy of door slamming, head tossing and a wail to the effect that you don’t understand).
E is for Examples. As in, trying to set a good one, and realising too late that the muttered remark at the idiot in the car in front was anything but.
F is for Food. Which is either a cruel and unusual punishment (anything with an air of vitamins about it) or What Everyone Else In The World Has For Tea (anything else)
G is for Giggling. Quite possibly the best sound in the world, even when it’s accompanying a conversation about farts.
H is for Homework. During which time loses all meaning and half an hour becomes endless aeons of pain (see also D)
I is for Image. Also known as the sudden mechanism whereby 75% of the wardrobe becomes unwearable overnight.
J is for Judgement. As in “trusting your own”. Easier said than done.
K is for Knowledge. A commodity whose value varies. Priceless to you; approximately worthless to those you’re trying to share it with.
L is for Love. Nuff said.
M is for Minecraft. Lego THAT YOU CAN’T STAND ON. Genius.
N is for Noise. A sort of aural collage of handstand thumps, FaceTime pings and the “pyow-pyow” of an imaginary battle with Stormtroopers.
O is for Optional Hearing. A strange condition which renders the sound of a sweet being unwrapped three rooms away pin-sharp, while the instruction to wash ones face is a muffled blur.
P is for Pyjamas. Items of clothing which are welded to bodies, especially ten minutes before it’s time for school.
Q is for Quiet. A largely forgotten relic of an earlier life which makes an occasional reappearance when Minecraft is engaged.
R is for Radio. Capital in the car and on every other set within reach to ensure a wall-to-wall surround of the kind of music that sounds like someone’s hopping over hot coals.
S is for Siblings. The components either of unbreakable alliances against you or implacable feuds you must resolve.
T is for Toys. Also known as random articles of tat which are of no interest whatsoever until it is time to leave the house or set the table.
U is for Untidy. Not so much a state as an apparent independent Being which wreaks untold havoc in the blink of an eye.
V is for Values.There is nothing like passing them on to make you question your own.
W is for Why? A question asked less and less, but which gets harder and harder to answer.
X is for X-Box. Like a youth club in your telly.
Y is for Young. They are, you’re not.
Z is for Zhurely that’s enough by now, I’m off for a glass of wine (see A-Y)